We’re so close to launching the campaign for an anthology of writing from trans and/or intersex sex workers, and I wanted to share a few quotes from a handful of people who shared a little insight into their experiences to steer the direction of it:
Alt text of the above quotes:
“There’s a lot of complicated dynamics that come with navigating things like having clients who are urologists who are actually the ones doing intersex genital mutilation surgery, but then also wanting to pay intersex people for sex when we’re adults... that’s absolutely one of the things that fucks with my mind the most.”
“My profile saying I’m intersex has never been an invitation for anyone to cold open a conversation with me by demanding to know what’s in my pants and if I’m a “real herm” (bleugh).”
“I have really special memories of being at a national intersex conference and having a few of us sneak out of the sessions to talk about being intersex sex workers outside sitting on the floor, and it was the most seen I’ve ever felt in my life to talk with people who really intimately understood.”
“It’s hard to see all the fetishizing of transness behind the scenes contrasted by public hate - on a large scale, or the domestic mistreatment trans women experience from the kinds of cis men who would book with me. But doing SW has given me a lot of confidence in, insight into, and control over my transness.”
“I’ve been on low dose T for 4 years but am still cis for pay, shaving off all my body hair and feminizing my voice. I would probably be on higher dose of T if not for still needing to girl mode for work.”
“Sex work made me feel trapped in a femboy/boymoding sort of state. I really did not feel like i could transition or be a trans woman while I was doing sex work – it felt intuitive to retain my value, I had to remain some type of boy.”
From going to conferences covering intersex sexual health to being called slurs to experiences being booked for a session by doctors with whom there’s a complex power dynamic, intersex sex workers are confronted with the ways society pushes them to the margins and yet fetishizes them at the same time. Trans sex workers are stuck trying to fit into categories made by cis people which allow us to be packaged for their convenience.
While my own time doing sex work has tended far more towards struggle and trauma and simple irritation with my clients, I’ve also heard from so many other sex workers who wanted to share the ways they’ve reclaimed parts of their sexuality through it:
Alt text:
“There is a comradery to having been/being a sex worker, a sudden guard down free flowing jokes, story telling, tip sharing, no longer needing to answer with half truths and glossing over things. I’ve rarely had folks who have not done sex work understand or support the experience, and often the response was “Do you have to be doing that? Do you need help?” Vs “Oh you understand, there’s hard parts but this is also so fulfilling””
“I’m partnered with another trans person (non-binary transfemme to be exact) and we often get on the subjects of our experiences and missing when our primary income was sex work. Of course there were bad parts, shitty clients, stolen money, internalized shame, navigating social stigma. But there were also really great parts, human connection, self autonomy, and lets be honest with ourselves the money didn’t hurt.”
“I’ve had a long career (ten plus years) in SW, stripping, brothel and private work. Some of its been physically hard and emotionally exhausting, but the money, novelty, sex, back room brothel cameraderie, and flexibility means its the best job ive ever had. I spent my twenties 3-4 days a weeks, taking long breaks, going to gigs, festivals, spending a lot of time with my friends and lovers.”
In the spirit of covering and honouring the full range of perspectives here, I want to finish with thoughts from one intersex sex worker sharing rage and the truth of sex work as a choice they made for survival:
“i slept on the sidewalk or under bridges. i needed to eat. i felt like Elle Fucking Fanning in The Neon Demon, when she gives her speech about how beauty sells and people pay to look at her but that it’s all she has to offer anyone. i needed to do it to survive. it wasn’t about “connecting with human sexuality” or “liberating my sex positive self” or whatever other weird bullshit people tout to feel better. im an unemployable herm. i could get food for playing fetish for people on occasion, if i made sure to very carefully groom myself to be as conforming as possible - because me trying desperately to conform to high fem while having ambiguous genitalia was the only way anyone was ever attracted to me, in or out of sex work. this wasn’t a libratory choice this was survival. --- if you never freshed up at the YMCA before taking a client, i don’t care about what you think of All Sex Work. it’s important to bring all voices to the table, but the second SWers who felt exploited/trapped/harmed by their work show up, everyone starts screaming and flipping out. we need decriminalization and destigmatization so that EVERYONE is safer & that includes people like me even if my version of sex work wasn’t #pussypower.”
I know that so many of you have questions about our daily realities, and I’m still working on a comprehensive Q&A document covering those and including resources and references to others’ writing as part of that, but of course I’m always going to recommend hearing from a range of sex workers rather than from one. No matter how much I reference statistics or the words of those I know, or even direct you to other individuals speaking about their experience, nothing beats hearing from a range of people all at once in our own words. No shying away from uncomfortable topics!
If you want to support the creation of Transactional Intercourse and snag yourself an early copy in the process, remember that you can sign up to the Kickstarter to be notified when it launches! I’ll send out one more e-mail through this list when it actually goes live, which will also explain how backing on Kickstarter works, and then you’ll get another update in a couple of weeks sharing the (very long!) Q&A covering the many questions you have about sex work and particularly what it’s like for those of a marginalized gender and/or sex.